i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
