Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
