a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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