did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
