I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Sorry about my life...
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
