making cat noises will not fix the situation.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
