Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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