why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
