i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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