Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Randomize
