Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i wish my penis had a tongue
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
