the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
