I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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