Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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