I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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