Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
