Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
