My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
