that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
