Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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