sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
