I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize