she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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