I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Randomize
