just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
