you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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