please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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