My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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