i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
