Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize