Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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