this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
