Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
