guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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