i don't plan on having that self control this summer
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
