So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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