i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
My liver just had a heart attack.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
