You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
vagina is talking i cant
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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