508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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