Someone shit on the floor
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
