Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
