Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
you made out with another girl for some wings
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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