all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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