If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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