Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
