she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
