Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
