I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
