Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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