I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
