I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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