I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
