Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
