I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
