and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
