I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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