Quick, to the slutcave!
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
