it was like eating out sand paper
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
They took my balls.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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