Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Drunk is a universal language darling
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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