bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
