Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
