Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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