He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
