I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
