i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Alive.
So much puke
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
