Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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