I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
