THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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