Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
