Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
