Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
